Heart Posture

This weekend I went to my favorite church camp we have- Fall Retreat. It is at Camp Timberline in Estes, beyond beautiful, and never fails to disappoint. The last time I got to go though was two years ago. From my school group, only about four of the same people were coming back, leaders and all- and I’ve never been fond of change. The message of the weekend was based on the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18. (Go read!) The Pharisee was proud and self focused, praying to God and thanking him that he was not like others- those that cheat and sin like the tax collector, but he affirms himself to God that he does all the right things, like pray and fast multiple times a week (more than average in his time). While the tax collector is so ashamed of his brokenness he cannot even turn his eyes to heaven as he prays, beating his chest in shame, pouring out his truth of sin and asking for forgiveness and help. Jesus ends the parable stating that the tax collector “went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” As the weekend went on, I realized this was just what I needed to hear. Lately I have had a hard time with comparing my relationship with God to others. No doubt that it is the harder decision to sometimes stay home alone on a Friday night instead of go out with your friends who are involving themselves in the wrong things. Because of those decisions I have sometimes felt above others- worthy of judging those wrong decisions- and ultimately fabricating the amount of love other people have for Jesus. Feeling conviction and heartache from those thoughts every time the words came out of my mouth has been frustrating. Although, with early morning walks in solitude, pages of prayer, and vulnerable community, clarity was found this weekend. I never was and never will be deserving of the love my God gives me, but he chooses to give it anyway and I will glorify him and be humbled because of that. Even though some people on my squad for World Race have been much more vocal about their God sightings day to day, or much more successful in their fundraising thus far, that doesn’t mean I love God any less, or he loves me any less. Most of the time we don’t get to go away for the weekends to disconnect from the world and reconnect with God, but in the end it’s all about where our heart is. What is our heart posture? Are we prideful or truthful about our brokeness? Can we say that our sins are no less destructive than the next person, that we do not know their whole life story, their relationship with the Lord? It is a good daily reminder to check our heart posture, and I don’t doubt for a minute there will be days that I forget, but man I am going to try my best.